Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ohio...Where Church Gets Done Right

Y'all.  I had the opportunity to go up to Ohio this past weekend and visit my cousin and her precious family.

The drive is easy...straight up I-75...for several hours.  Then 3 rights and I'm there.

I was so looking forward to the weekend...I was going up to do some training and meet some fabulous people (Sara, Katie, Brandy...I'm looking at you here) and just do some all around gabbing and gossiping (Oh, I'm sorry Jessica...I meant to say "praying") and catching up in general.

My cousin is a hoot and even though she's lived in Ohio for a hundred years a while, she still has the most southern accent of anybody I know.

And that's saying something. I was saying...the drive up to Ohio is pretty much a straight shot.  Nothing much to see except gorgeous views from the top of Jellico Mountain, beautiful horse ranches in Kentucky, and breath-taking sprawling farmland in Ohio.

Oh...and then there was this:

Photo from The Ohio State University.

Okay, okay...there weren't really Ohio State fans standing there doing the O-H-I-O.  But there was (I'll get to the "was" in a minute) what the locals lovingly referred to as "Touchdown Jesus."

Yep.  That is one giant statue of...well...You Know Who.

(Unfortunately, as I was driving by...I couldn't just whip out my camera and take a picture for you since doing that at speeds of 70-ish miles an hour is not advisable by the Department of Transportation.  Mimi did not want to end up in Jesus' arms right at that moment so she sagely followed that piece of advice.)

Now y'all...that is what I call doing church RIGHT.  Wanna "cast your net" and "be a fisher of men?" Erect a giant Jesus statue in your front yard in full view of the highway.  Why my goodness...the "fish" will be jumping into the net what with all the accidents caused by the copious amounts of rubbernecking!  All you have to do is have a faithful group on standby to thump 'em on the head with the Word as they're being wheeled into the ambulance.   This is nothing less than an act of sheer evangelical genius in my opinion.

But seriously y''s what's kept me awake nights since I've seen this:  why didn't they have Him doing the Heisman stance?  It would be like He was saying to all the traveling sinners, "Stop! In the Name of Love! Beeefore yew braaaake my heart!" (Because that is totally how Jesus would sing that song.)

Anyways...turns out that maybe Jesus (As in..The One and Only) didn't like the "Touchdown" version since (true story, you can Google it) "Touchdown Jesus" got hit by lightning in a bad thunderstorm and burned right on down to the ground.

But make no mistake my friends...this sad development did not deter our Ohio-an brethren and sistren.  Nosirree.

Lo, they picked themselves up off the ground, dusted themselves off and resurrected re-erected a new statue.

Photo by Sarahlobster (I did not make that name up) via Tumblr.

There ya go.  The newly improved...more loving and huggable Jesus.  Beat THAT southern bible belt-ers!

(Now...I know there are some of you reading this going..." can you make fun of Jesus?" Honey-buns...I'm not making fun of Jesus.  I love Him.  But I am poking fun at the group of Master Gold Level Believers at the church where Huggable Jesus is located.  However, I want you to know that though my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek, it is in sisterly love y'all. Sisterly love.)

1 comment:

  1. SHOOWEE - I been missing your writing something fierce. I check back every other month or so to see if you came back and LOOKEE HERE! You done did! And, um, Oh. My. Stars. Imma gonna keep my tongue in my cheek on this one too.