Friday, April 5, 2013

Hi...I'm Mimi and I'm Melaninally Challenged...

Don't let the title confuse you.  I'm not mentally challenged (contrary to popular belief in the Mimi Supreme household) I am melaninally challenged.

Melaninally challenged - to be unable to scrape up enough melanin to produce anything close to resembling a tan. 

Webster's and Merriam you are welcome.  I'll be expecting a share of the royalties soon after my pet sea monkeys arrive in the mail.

Look y'all...what I'm trying to say is...I am not only a white woman...I'm a pale white woman.  And...I know...this is quite possibly the most trivial first-world problem EVER...but it IS an issue.

And OH do I ever have a lee-tle bone to pick with the local, ahem, "meteorologists" around here.  Oh, I know, I can't control the weather...blah blah blah, but here's the deal weather people:

If the month of the year is April, and you've got your happy (or as Phil Robertson would say...happy happy happy) little sunfaces showing on the tv screen here's what blows through the cavern that is my mind...


Thaaat's right.  Just because I can't use the sun's rays for what God intended them for...perfect honey-kissed skin...doesn't mean I'm not still affected by them.  I get WARM y'all!  So I use the capris for some air-conditioning AU NATURAL.

Cause y'all...nobody wants to see Mimi sweat.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

But what has happened this year? It's April.  I've got the sunfaces, I've got the capris, I've got my pale-ashy skin...which is now turning a nice shade of blue because OH MY LORD THE COLD!!!!

The sun (and the weather people) has hoodwinked me y'all.  I been had.  I tell ya I been bamboozled.  And a lot of sweet, innocent little passersby who woke up this morning with no idea of what was in store for them today are now having to have medical attention because SUNRAYS BOUNCING OFF OF PALE WHITE SKIN = TEMPORARY BLINDNESS.

Yes weather's possible that you are responsible for a small yet very devastating public health hazard.  Because even though Meatloaf thinks two out of three ain't bad (or in this instance, 4 out of 5) some is.

Very bad.

The only silver lining in this whole thing is the looks on my kids faces when Mimi breaks these bad puppies out.

It almost makes it worth the frostbite.

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