I know. Butterbean and I are all about keepin' it classy on the blog.
That and I just didn't have any titles that were doin' it for me, ya know?
So...remember the other day when I was all "Oh I don't know how much I weigh, I'm not worried about the number on the scale" and all that?
You don't? What...you don't think my issues with my weight is riveting blog material?
Whatevs. Just pretend you're interested.
Anyhoo last Thursday I ventured out to the Walmarts and bought myself a scale . And it only took an hour of some serious prayer and fasting before I figured out how to turn the thing on. I am all sorts of what the young folks call...tech savvy.
I hopped on the scale and the number was (embarrassingly enough) 2...1...4. YIKES! At 5'4" I should only weigh somewhere in the 125-135 range. That's roughly 90 pounds of extra baggage.
ERMAHGERRD I've been carrying around the equivalent of an 8th grade physics nerd for the past 20 years! Complete with pocket protector and horn-rimmed glasses!
(No offense to all you physics nerds out there. You guys are neat-o! And smarter than me!)
So yeah...that day was kind of a bummer...but I didn't let it get me down too much. I kept to the plan...I hopped back on the treadmill Monday and stepped up my game. 2 minutes of brisk walking and 90 seconds of jogging. To say that my body went into shock over Truffle Shuffling for 90 seconds straight would be like saying the Pope is Catholic. It's sort of an understatement.
First my calves started in with "Ummm hey lady...things are starting to heat up down here. How's about dialing it down just a hair?"
When that didn't work my knees started in with, "Hey...we're getting seriously ANNOYED with you and your exercising shenanigans."
My lungs couldn't talk to me because they were busy huffing and puffing, but I could sense they were somewhat put out.
But I didn't listen to them. Oh no. I just kept imagining I was that firework that Katy whatshername keeps singing about. I couldn't really help that. She was singing in my ear so...what was I to do?
Then I thought about what it would be like to just be able to listen to some music and bust a few moves without seriously endangering myself or others around me. I imagined myself in a sparkly outfit dancing and glittering across the stage and my spare tire spoke up and was all, "Easy there Beyonce ...two things are wrong with that scenario. 1) You have no rhythm and 2) You have no rhythm."
But I just rolled my eyes and kept on shuffling. And then...I weighed myself again on Tuesday.
The number on the scale said 2...0...9! 5 pounds in 4 days.
Y'all...when I saw that I broke into some dancing that would have made Beyoncé cry. Or cringe. I don't know which because 5 POUNDS! MIMI LOST 5 POUNDS!
Yeah. It was what you might call...A Moment. The first of many I'm sure.
That 8th grade Physics nerd is goin' down!