Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Cracker Barrel And The Stripper Pole

You know what two phrases are rarely heard together in a sentence?

"Stripper poles" and "Cracker Barrel."  But today, friends...prepare to be amazed as history is in the making where these two phrases are concerned.

Only in my world could they ever be together.  A fact for which I thank God for...truly.

Now, I love ye olde "CB" but I am in no way affiliated with that corporation, nor am I being paid to mention anything about them.

I just like to eat there.

And a few weeks ago, whilst on yon vacation...I decided to stop there.  To eat.  With my friend and her two littles.

The only problem with it was, we were in South Carolina and apparently, they do things a bit differently there.  In my neck of the woods, when you walk in to a CB, the dining hall is always to your left, and the general store is to your right.

Not so in South Carolina.  It's all backwards.  So after hitting the bathroom up and mentioning all the geographical oddities of this particular locale...we commenced to being seated and eating breakfast.  It should be mentioned here that Girlfriend's four year old has an appetite that is approximately the size of an ant.  She's a little stick figure with white blonde curls and gorgeous blue eyes that swallow her whole face. 

She is lethally adorable.

The one thing she does love to eat in any sort of measurable quantity is bacon.  Because...who doesn't?  Even if you don't eat it because of diet're still craving the salty, crispy goodness of porkfat.  Yum.  So...Princess Pea (as she shall henceforth be named) and I ordered ourselves a nice helping of bacon.

At which point Princess Pea says, "You wike bacon too?"  And I said, "Psshhhttt...yeah...I lurve bacon!"  And then she giggled and squirmed and put her hand up to her mouth to whisper to me, "You and me can be bacon buddies!" *snort giggle giggle snort*

To which I replied solemnly, "Yes.  Yes we can."  And so we are even to this day.

Now during this whole exchange, the eight-year-old was discussing with his mother what he would have and so on and so forth.  When the food came out...he took two bites and declared loudly to all within hearing range that "This is the best food I've ever had!!!"

Have I said to you that I love these kids???  I mean...they are foodie geniuses!

Eight-year-old declared and avowed his love for his meal again to our waitress, who then proceeded into the kitchen to tell the cook...and buddy boy got a huge thumbs up from our table.  And eight-year-old's day was made when the cook waved enthusiastically in response.

And then we all rolled out to the car...having eaten so much bacon and such that we could no longer walk.

I tipped the waitress with some "ones" from my "stripper stash."

Oh wait...I forgot to tell you about that part.

Prior to the culinary episode at CB...we had stopped at a gas station.  I walked into the store to pay because all I had on me was cash.  Large bills.  It was a bit early in the day and the cashier only had ones, so she asked me if it would be ok if my change was a bunch dollar bills.  I said, "Sure."

To which she replied, "Just tell everybody you got them at the stripper pole last night."

To which I said, "Alrighty then."

And then I thanked her for thinking I had the flexibility and dexterity to be able to work a pole.

At my've got to take the compliments where you can get them people.

So please bless the Cracker Barrel people who have to serve copious amounts of bacon to weary travelers who can only tip them with cash that may or may not have been earned at a stripper pole.  And bless the gas station attendants who have the optimism to believe someone whose physical shape largely resembles that of a bowling ball...would seem desirable enough to have warranted that many dollar bills.


Tune in next time folks when Mimi throws together the phrases, "Angry Midget" and "Hot Tub."


  1. Oh, mah word! I've missed your writing. Please please please come back again often and fill us in on more of your adventures. CB rocks. True story. It's a crazy world that we live in when we take the ability to "take to the pole" as a compliment, isn't it? ;)

    1. Heyy Missy...I've missed writing. Unfortunately here lately I can't seem to get settled down long enough to string coherent sentences together. One a week seems to be all I can manage!

      But I'm trying to get things settled down...I've got updated pics and "Conversations" with Butterbean that I need to I have to tell y'all about Mimi's hoopty. I predict it will be a classic in the blog world.

      Until then, keep those cards and letters comin'!