Friday, October 5, 2012

And Sometimes...All You Can Do Is Grab A Bag Of Popcorn And Enjoy The Show

GEEZE-O-PETE!!! When did October get here?  What happened to September? Or July for that matter?

I suppose what I'm trying to say here is...well I don't know really what I'm trying to say.  I'm sure it was something nifty about time and Jim Croce and a bottle.  Or it could just have been about my lack of discipline and getting behind on stuff.

Something to that effect.

Anyhoo, I think when last we spoke I was tellin' y'all about my brush with the stripper pole.  Turns out, that was not to be the only time during vacay that I would almost come in contact with the exotic dance industry.  Oh no. 

After much back and forth with our friendly GPS lady and approximately 11 U-turns...we finally arrived at our destination (completely intact and only slightly worse for wear).  We were pleasantly surprised by the ocean view from our condo "balcony."  I put the word "balcony" in quotation marks because it was only about a foot wide.  Two people could fit out there, but your behind would definitely be smooshed up against the sliding glass door.

We snapped some quick pics of the kids faces as they got their first view and then we did what normal people do...we dropped our bags and hightailed it out to the beach.  Now, in order to get to the beach, we had to go down one floor to the lobby and walk past the pool and hot tub.  As we were walking I noticed some people out there that were a bit, well, out of the ordinary...but I just chalked it up to "Hey we're at Myrtle Beach" and tried to keep up with the kids as they ran pell mell to the ocean.

A while later we dragged the kids away from the ocean in order to feed them dinner.  We only accomplished this feat with promises of returning as soon as possible.  We got cleaned up and hopped back in the car (oh joy! rapture!) in search of grub. 

Now, I should remind y'all...I have never had to drive myself around Myrtle before.  I was therefore, immediately lost.  But we had our trusty GPS lady to guide us and what do you know...only 3 minor U-turns and one trip through the North Myrtle "red light" district later (see paragraph #4)  and we found a suh-weet little Mexican restaurant. 

We walked in and almost walked back out because someone had seriously doused the entire place in Pine-Sol.  It was nauseating.  We considered leaving but we were pretty much done with all the "being in the car" so we decided to stick it out.  PSA: Mexican food and "pine-fresh scent" do not go together well.

After dinner we headed back to the beach for one last dip before collapsing into our beds.  Keep in mind we had been up since 4:30 in the am.  Y'all we were tired.  Which might help you understand the whys and wherefores of what happened next.

My friend began working her "mom" magic and somehow managed to get the littles calmed down enough to drop off to sleep.  We had turned out the lights in the condo and were settling down ourselves when the people I had noticed earlier decided it was PARTY IN THE USA time.  Because spending their whole day doing shots at the pool-side Tiki bar hadn't been enough.  And lucky for us...our room was right over the pool/hot tub area.  So we got to hear every bit of slurred conversation and "friendly banter" happening between the guys and the gals.

One of whom started to get really upset.  Girlfriend and I peeked through the curtains and noticed that one of the party-goer guys was a little on the short side.  Someone had called him on it or asked him about it and I don't know what else was said but it must have been bad because next thing we know, homeboy is up out of the hot tub going "Come AT me BRO! Come AT me!"

Now y'all...Mimi is all about people of all shapes, colors and sizes.  So please don't hate me for saying this...but the sight of that little man dripping wet and hopping (I kid you not...he was hopping) and screaming...well it was somewhat humorous.  It didn't help that we were slap-happy by that time either.

After the initial chuckle or two, when things didn't seem to be calming down, this was the point when Girlfriend started getting a little mad herself.  We were TRYING TO KEEP TWO KIDS COMATOSE UNTIL AT LEAST 6AM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.  It was 11pm and the rules clearly stated (we knew because being the nerdy girls we are...we actually read them) that 11pm was quiet time.  Girlfriend wanted those peeps gone.  I just sat back (see blog title) to see what would happen.  Plus I didn't want to get in her way.  She was getting this strange twitch in her eye and mumbling something about sleep so...I just tried to survive.

Girlfriend marched to the phone...picked up the receiver and called the front desk.  Yes.  She TOLD ON THE PARTY-GOERS AND THE ANGRY LITTLE MAN.  It should be mentioned here (because my wordcount isn't NEARLY long enough and you haven't been completely bored to tears yet) that the front desk guy was all of 150 pounds soaking wet.  And his name was Richard.  Not Rick.  Not Ricky-Bobby.  Not Studly McStudmuffin.  Just Richard.

BUT...he WAS covered in tattoos so we were hoping there was enough toughness in him to get the job done.  We were especially worried that Richard might have to tangle with the ANGRY LITTLE after Girlfriend hung up we did what normal, mature, grown-up Christian ladies would do.  We peeped through the curtain to watch the show.

Home-boy Richard was brilliant.  Those people argued and whined...but Richard the Night Manager got them out.  We were high-fiving him and giving him the thumbs up and telling him (from the safety of our second floor room and behind our curtains) that we had his back.  At this point, Richard turned and LOOKED UP AT US and gave us a thumbs up.  And that's when we realized the sliding glass door was OPEN and he had heard us.

Every. Word.

Mortification.  It's a definite buzz-kill.

Tune in next time for the story about the one-legged lady and Lt. Dan.  No, I am not kidding. 


  1. Ha! Ha! Mimi you never cease to entertain! Geeze-o-Pete...yep I know that one thanks to my husband...even got my boss saying it!

    And the whole Pine-Sol and Mexican restaurant? We have one of those, too...and I refuse to go. Makes me nauseous and I swear the chips have a minty after taste! Gross me out with a spoon!

    Can't WAIT to hear about the one-legged lady and Lt. Dan! ;)


    1. Mindy...there's so much material that's backed up in my brain waiting to get out. I'm afraid I've got a serious case of blogstipation.

  2. Lol...loved the whole thing! Thank you for this laughter. After the night I had at work, I really needed it. I am always entertained by your writing. In a good way, just so you know. Can't wait to hear what else you have "backed up" in there ;)

  3. This provided a wonderful giggle or five. Home Boy Richard... loved that! Mercy - you know how to live, woman!